So we're coming to the end of day 2 and shockingly I am still tolerating all of the meds they have given me. The Tig that causes severe nausea is being given to me in phases. I need to get to the point where I can tolerate 50mg. Last night and this morning I was given 12.5mg. Tonight we will bump it up to 25mg. I have had NO nausea at all! I am thrilled! So much so that I had chili cheese fries and Resses Peanut Butter Cup pie for lunch! Maybe this is Operation Gain 20 Pounds, instead of Operation Kick Mycobacterium's Ass???
Today I had a complete hearing and vision screening. We needed a baseline so we know if I start losing or having changes with my vision or hearing along the way. An interesting thing happened on the way to these screenings. They came to pick me up in a wheelchair! I was horrified! I am NOT sick after all. I pleaded to please be permitted to walk...the appointment was several buildings away. They would not budge. I know it's for liability purposes, but I was still horrified. We have to wear masks whenever we leave our room on Rainbow 7, but we're allowed to take them off when we leave the floor. To top things off, the transporter made me wear my mask throughout the entire transport. I AM NOT SICK. I can walk...I can even run... I know this was a psychological thing for me. People stared in the hallways...people stared in the waiting room. I felt like I was having an out of body experience. Look, I was only going to get my hearing and vision checked. I'm sure these people thought I was on deaths door...PICC in my arm...mask on my face. As I was sitting there, angry, imagining what I must have looked like, I started thinking that maybe I really am sick. Maybe that's why I'm in the hospital, on IV meds along with a myriad of oral medications trying to kill the infection that has infested my lungs. Maybe I really am sick after all?
After the 3 hours it took to fully examine my ears and eyes...some tests I have never done before...I regained control. I again began pleading my case about not needing transport back to my room. They said that they could not release my chart to me, they could only release it to someone transporting me. I told them that I would be walking back to my room now and that they could send my chart back later. I left. Whew.
I have obviously had to be transported around hospitals in wheelchairs and beds in the past, but it just hit me differently this time. My friend Josh said he was happy I had this experience. He told me it sounded like a humbling experience. That it was... That Josh is a smart boy!
So the only really exciting thing that has come out of these few days is that I have gotten about 18 hours of sleep, including two big time naps both days. I guess that's more exciting for me than you, the reader. I think living on 3-5 hours of sleep for the past few weeks led to my body just shutting down as soon as all expectations of me lifted. I'm actually getting ready to get some more zzz's. Feels good and I feel great so far!
4 comments:
I know how I felt when I had to be in a wheelchair just to get anywhere cuz I would run out of breath so easily. I felt like everyone was staring at me...it was very uncomfortable. I hope you get to feeling better so you can get the hell outta there!
ahhhh...my stubborn friend...good trait to have! : )
Good to hear you're tolerating the meds so far. I remember having that same out of body kind of feeling when I got my PICC line in early this summer. It is so hard being wheeled around, knowing, believing that you are not sick and then at the same time realizing that you truly are sick, or else you wouldn't be in the hospital in the first place. I never had thought of myself as being 'sick' but then after this last lung infection this summer the realization hit me when my doctor wouldn't allow me to even go back to work because I needed to get better, that I really was sick. That we are always 'sick' to a certain extent...hard thing to accept, but as long as we behave and take care of ourselves, our 'sick' will soon no longer be an issue. :-) Rest up and enjoy the ability to sleep while you can!
Hey Stacey,
Keep on truckin and battlin' on. The human body can combat a lot more than medicine thinks it can, and I know you can make your body take care of anything it comes across if you put your mind to it. I'd like to wish you luck, but I dont rerally think luck is the factor - just do what you can and keep the positive vibes going - to me that is the key. My dog told me that in a dream. Although in that same dream I also played ping pong with Albert Einsten and then my hands turned into broccoli, but I digress. You get the point.
-Tim Goodin
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