by Patty Sherry, author of Share Your Love Story
Ridding myself of ALL negativity,anger, fear, and sadness is not my goal. Getting over this is not something I need to do.Don’t get me wrong, I love to be positive, happy, and to feel good, the key is I dont NEED to.
Being angry all of the time can make you sick; some say such negativity is toxic! I don’t completely agree with this belief. I say that anger, fear, and sadness is as much a part of my human experience as LOVE is.
Avoidance of these emotions is not necessary.
That kick in the stomach, pain in my heart, or that headache actually comes from the belief that these “negative” emotions are somehow wrong, bad, or a state of being I need to get myself out of.
Believing I should be over this is the hard part!
Fighting the fact that I am here in the first place, and thinking I need to be over there….feeling happy, becomes my struggle!
Positive thinking can make me sick? Well in a way it can…when positivity becomes a need.
So I am releasing the idea that happiness and being positive is a permanent state I must seek, and I am being more gentle with myself when I am in one of those “negative” places.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the belief that I am or YOU are doing something wrong or bad if we are not happy. Igniting that internal judgmental dialogue, ” I’m so stupid!” “Here we go again!” flows easily, even automatically.
Accepting what IS; I have no goal to get over anything! I remind myself that what I feel has to do with THIS moment. Change can come in the next moment.
I become more FREE in each moment, you do too. Running or hiding from any emotion YOU or I feel is not necessary, but rather we can embrace and shift it if we so CHOOSE.
4 comments:
such wise words, as always. i think the healthiest, most productive thing we can do is let ourselves really feel -- whether it is sadness, frustration, joy, positivity or whatever. the range of emotions is what gives life richness and color. to force a blanket emotion on it all mutes the vibrancy. i strive for honesty with myself and others. i strive for color, lots of it and vibrant colors at that. thanks for posting such a powerful reminder about acceptance, presence and honesty.
i hope you're doing well and the trip to boston was as fantastic as it looked from pictures!
love from philly.
honesty is the best way to be....be true to how you feel, embrace it and live it :) even if what you feel is anger and negativity :)
Love it! We have a 6 year old with CF who has his major 'poor me, i hate CF anger moments'. They are so intense and so painful that I try to avoid them and focus on the positive all the time. That made him even angrier but people in CF community said "Be positive, be positive" Well, the truth is that CF just brutally sucks for a 6 year old who spends hours each day doing treatments but still gets sick and I need to let him acknowledge that. He now sees a therapist who told me that I need to let him express his anger and hurt with CF at times. We don't get stuck in it but I need to give him those moments. A 6 year old shouldn't have a big smile on his face going in for his 10th sinus surgery or getting his port flushed and I need to be okay with that....love your blog! Megan
Hey cyster - I love you and all your fabulous thoughts. ♥ I so identify with what you have to say and I think its great to facilitate expression of emotion and promote mental health with fellow CFers. That's something that I believe is so often lacking among the nebs, pills, hospitalizations, etc...
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