Emma is not my mistake!
Jake is not my mistake!
A couple weeks ago an AMAZING blogger, Unknown Cystic, wrote this blog post: http://unknowncystic.wordpress.com/2010/06/22/switzerland-crumbles-neutral-no-longer/.
I must say that I agree with everything Unknown Cystic very eloquently wrote and I appreciate the supportive comments that followed! The blogger, "No Excuses" was harsh in her commentary. However, I know that her opinion is shared by many others both within and outside of the CF community. I'm so thankful that Unknown Cystic took the time to stand up for us CF parents out there!
CF is not the same disease it was in the 70's. People are being diagnosed later in life and are living longer. The life expectancy has tripled in my lifetime alone. I think there is a real danger when someone presents themself as an "expert" and paints an entire community with one broad stroke. I really wish there could be more respectful disagreement, with an appreciation of personal descision-making. With the information I had at the time and the blessings of my medical team, I took the leap into parenthood.
I feel like I need to take this opportunity to shout it from the mountaintops that my children were brought into this world intentionally and with love. If I die sooner than other parents, I know that my children will be devistated, but they will never, EVER, wish that they were not born in the first place. I am doing the best I can to provide them with everything they need to grow into kind and capable adults. I know that my husband and I are providing them with a better life than many other kids with healthy parents.
So if others would like to percieve me as selfish and my children as mistakes, so be it... They will, however, never get me to see this as reality or regret my decision.
For the record, I'm not planning on going anywhere anytime soon :-)
8 comments:
I agree with you. I just don't get some people. Children are never a mistake, they are blessings. I am teaching my son that having CF doesn't mean that he just has to sit around and wait to die, if he chooses to have kids, he will have my support.
I read all the posts that led up to this response. I do not have CF or a life threatening disease, so in some ways I feel that I should not voice my opinion here. But I am going to anyway. : )
It seems that the bottom line here for me is that we live in a country where we are free to make our own decisions. I cannot imagine what it is like to have CF and make a decision to have or not have children. But I believe that decision is personal to every one of you.
It seems that No Excuses was saying that a person with CF is being selfish by having children and that they are ultimately hurting their children by "setting them up" for experiencing an early death of a parent. If you take this "argument" further, would a poor parent be selfish by having a child that was possibly destined to follow them in a cycle of poverty? If you have breast cancer in your family and have the BCRA gene, should you not have children because they might have a higher risk of dying from breast cancer? If you are a heavy smoker, would you be selfish to have a child because you may die of lung cancer? I could go on.
The bottom line is that people have children and don't have children for a variety of reasons. You do not have to pass a test or get a license to have a child. There are plenty of people out there who many would argue should not have children for various reasons (abusive, criminal, etc) but they can... because we are a free country and do not legislate this issue.
NE certainly has a right to her opinion. But it is an opinion and it does not make what anyone else has chosen right or wrong. I agree with you Stacey that your children will never regret the fact that you gave birth to them, even if you do not live as long as another parent might. I also hope that the new advances in CF treatment make all of this a non-issue in the future!
((((hugs))))
Two words. You rock.
I left my comments on Unknown's site, so you already know how I feel - just letting you know, this was a good one, too. Sound reasoning and passionate at the same time.
Go cyster!
At 19, I should not be as stressed out about this issue as I am, but oh well. I read the article. I read your post. My thoughts?
The article's "parent deaths" were: cancer, heart-attacks, car wrecks... NEVER a life-long chronic disease. That article DOES NOT reference us. While the pain may still be there, the shock of all of the examples in the article would probably be more painful than an illness that was known and fought against over a life-time. Even cancer is a shock to the system. In my opinion, the fact that you (as a parent) worked to give those kids life, despite your own troubles, shows selflessness, not a selfish nature. I am given HOPE for my future and my future family when I see CF moms like you. My right to be a parent (later!!) shouldn't be judged just because I have a higher probability to die earlier than my peers. We will all die young if we don't take care of ourselves. It will be more of a shock to my peers' kids when their parents die of a heart attack. While my kids will know my life was not robbed, but fully lived.
So suck on that, No Excuses. :]
-Andrea
Stacey,
Your kids are very cute. The world is a better place with them in it and great parents to guide them. That is a fact.
Thank you for the kind words. You make me feel very humble tonight. Your post was excellent and I enjoyed reading it. Your last line was wonderful and brought a huge smile to my face. Thank you for that.
Too many people have worked too hard to fight CF, to raise money to fight CF, and too many good people have died from CF, for those of us living to accept anything less than the complete dream of life as an adult and everything that comes with it, including kids. I thank each and every one of them for what they have given me and promise I will do my best to enjoy every moment I have. I am grateful.
UC
I love this post. It means so much to me to hear from a mother with cystic fibrosis and to hear about her choice to have children. I think about that every day. Weather getting married or having kids is the right thing to do. I want to so bad but am scared of leaving them behind.
Make the choice wisely, with much love, and you can't go wrong.
Other than that, I really can't say it any better than your readers already have.
By the way, if those kids are mistakes, then I hope more people "screw up" like you did. What?!?! Did I make a semi-dirty joke during a serious conversation? How dare I! :-)
Peaceful Things
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