Breathe Easy, Jill...
We chatted on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday of this week. You responded to my Facebook status on Tuesday. I updated that life was grand because I got breakfast in bed...even if it was an uncomfortable plastic hospital bed. You wrote "Sometimes it's nice being waited on!". You used an exclamation point. People who use exclamation points on FB on Tuesday, should not die on Thursday.
If I had known I would have come in your room and given you a big hug. Screw Dr.'s orders to not socialize. I would have sat with you...been with you. Instead, we talked through the doorway about your transplant and your son returning home, along with my little bump in the road.
On Wednesday, before I was discharged I went to have lunch with Erin and Colleen in the atrium. As Erin and I passed your room you were doing your nebs, watching TV and visitors were arriving to see you. I thought I would say my goodbye's when I got back from lunch. When I arrived back the nurse told me my discharge might be delayed due to an emergency. You weren't in your room and your vest was on your bed. I KNEW something happened to you. I just knew...
This makes my little rant about being tired yesterday look so trite. How selfish!
I am shocked and sad. Haven't we, all of us with CF, paid our dues enough to be given a few days warning when our time is near? Shouldn't we get that time to say our goodbye's? Shouldn't we be afforded the opportunity to tie up our loose ends in life?
Cystic Fibrosis, you have given many of us a very difficult past week, month, year... You are making it very difficult to keep a smile on my face. I'm trying really hard here. Doing the best I can, but you keep interfering.
Cystic Gal just posted that the best way to remember a fallen CF warrior is to celebrate life. This beautiful summer weekend, I am going to do just that...with thoughts of Jill throughout!
7 comments:
Wow I had no idea. I am so sorry. Too many are passing lately. We need a cure. My 2 children, Hunter who is 6, and Serenity aho is 3 both have CF. May God Bless you.
Stacey -
I have known you for a long time, from your days as a wide-eyed social work student thrown into the depths of the PICU at Rainbow, to being pregnant at the same time (even though we only talked on the phone at that time), to working together and traveling to fun places for conferences etc. This blog is allowing me to know you in a whole new way - a way that I don't think you have shown to most people before. I commend your courage and honesty in this blog and believe that it will help you and others.
About Jill...when you said "People who use exclamation points on FB on Tuesday, should not die on Thursday." it really hit me. You are so right. People who have so much living to do should not die period! I am so sorry to hear of Jill's death, even though I did not know her. I am sorry for all the losses you and your fellow CF friends have to deal with. I'm sorry for all the losses we experience in our work.
I do believe that the best way to honor someone who has died is to celebrate life...and I will join you in doing that this weekend.
My closing thought: We can always find a person whose situation is worse than our own. The challenge is to let that help keep our own troubles in perpective, but not discount our challenges completely. You are still entitled to bad days, even though there will always be someone out there is having a worse day than you. I do not look at your blog post about your problems yesterday as "selfish." I look at it as honest. Keep posting my friend, as long as it is helpful to you, but have fun this weekend celebrating life with your wonderful family!
I am so sorry for (y)our loss of another cyster. It is so hard and I can't believe how fast it happens. Like you said, one minute, you pass by and she's BREATHING (on her nebs) and the next minute, the vest is stopped and so has the nebs and so has a very special person's life. Keep living to the fullest, Stacey, and CELEBRATE Jill and YOUR life while we're all still here. Sending gentle hugs. I have been in your situation more times than I can count, but it doesn't make it ANY easier to say good-bye. Mourn and Grieve, then be merry and live the life that Jill can't! Blessings....curlycuesmuse.blogspot
Being real is ok. It is better than faking that everything is ok when it is not. I am sorry for your loss. HARD couple of months in the CF world. So sorry.
Wow. Just....$#@%@^ Wow. Peaceful things for Jill. I sent a thought up to Angie. She has been WAY TOO BUSY lately. :-(
I am here.
Just found your blog. I'm another CFer - an older one w/ A-typical CF.
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. That must have been such a painful blow to you. You're right, there should be some kind of notice so that you can say your goodbyes.
Thanks everyone for your supportive comments! It was a rough week, but the begining of this one started out great!
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